Recently in Personal Category

That I was brought into this world. My condolenses to the rest of you.

Yes, I know, it's been nothing but posts about "The Tour De Rook." Sorry about that. But, quite frankly, posting about politics is depressing. That, and there are others much better at commenting on the current political circus. Also, there are other personal issues I am just not in the mood to disclose at the moment. I am in an introspective phase, trying to learn more about myself and what I think, how I feel, and what the hell am I going to do with myself.

No, I am not going through some mid-life crisis. Seriously. Why are you even contemplating that?

It is that, after having left a relationship of 14 years, I find myself facing life with different goals and plans. It has been a radical adjustment for me. I really have not lived alone for most of my life. I was either in the Navy, or in long-term relationships. This last year has been an experience, let me tell you. I have been living alone, being responsible for only a cat and myself.

I am not lonely, if that is what you are thinking. I have friends, I go out and do things (beyond The Tour), and I enjoy life. However, learning that I can stand my own company, that I do not need to constantly be around others, is a new experience for me. Early in my recovery from drugs and alcohol, I did not particularly like myself. Hell, I probably did not even love myself (you, in the back row, with the smutty grin, keep it to yourself or so help me I will......).

Now, though, I am enjoying my life. Granted, I live in an efficiency apartment with a small bathroom and a kitchenette that does not really allow for cooking, Cinnamon is feeling caged in because of the lack of space, and I am just making ends meet. Yet I am enjoying my life.

Granted, there will probably not be much more in the way of posts after this, besides Tour De Rook updates, which are more for me to have a record of my exercise than about informing others. But I just wanted you all (what? all one of you? My stats are back to early blogging levels) to know that I am doing fine and perhaps one of these days I will return to commenting on the insanity that is our country's political discourse.

Now, if you will all excuse me, I am going to go back to living my life. Try not to wreck the place while I am busy.

Sigh. My car died last night. It gallantly started after the Dome-Collapsing-Storm-Of-The-Decade had come and gone. I even drove it for most of yesterday. But then, as I was making my way to meet up with some friends, she decided to die; about a mile and a half down the road from home. Thankfully a stranger saw my hazards, turned around, and picked me up. Turns out he lives in the same apartment complex as me.

So, this morning I made arrangements for her to be towed to the clinic, The Auto Doctors. Unfortunately, she can not get an appointment until tomorrow morning. So, I am not going to work tomorrow. I have today off, thankfully, and I have some PTO, so I can afford to lose a day of work. Still, not exactly what I had planned for the next couple of days.

Sigh. Life in a Northern State.

May the time with your family be of joy, love, and happiness. And may your waistline not exceed your button's ability to hold it back.

Yes, it is my birthday today. I would prefer cash to gifts. Unless the gift is the winning lottery numbers.

Oh, wait......

And as to how old? Old enough to know better than to tell you my age.

They spill their hurt. They spill their rage. They talk about rapes. They talk about beatings. They talk about all the loss, all the disappointments, all the pain. And I sit there, showing only empathy. Then I watch a movie, and how one man helps another heal himself, and I cry, like I dare not cry in group.

It is just a damn, movie. But it is a damn good movie. 

This morning, as I did my warm-up stretch at Freedom Park in Prescott, overlooking the confluence of the Mississippi and St. Croix rivers, I heard the song of a Cardinal. He was in the upper most branch of the tree next to me. I looked at him, he looked at me, and then we went about our perspective actions. After I was done stretching, and riding away on my bike, I saw him fly off to another tree.

Later, after about 40 minutes of bike riding, I stopped at the side of a gravel road, in front of "The Rustic Garden" and along side a hay field. I was rewarded with a sea of yellow butterflies all lazily flapping themselves from bloom to bloom in the hay field.

At the end of my bike ride, I felt refreshed and invigorated, despite my having pushed myself to my best performance to date on Le Tour de Rook.

I go through life feeling strong, secure, and loved. Then, there are times where the energy gets sucked right out of me. I then hide, cover my head, curl up and wish the world away. It last but a moment in the total of time, yet can seem to drag forever in my mind. I know not what to do to fight this malaise. And then, without rhyme or reason, I find myself back to feeling strong, secure, and loved.

I sure could use a rudder to navigate my emotional storms.

As of today, a quarter of a century without drugs or alcohol. I am assigned my own firetruck because I am so dry I am a fire hazard.

I believe I have found the reason for my lack of posting; political blogging is just like my job of counseling addicts. You see, I have to spend much of my job pointing out the lies, distortions and out right denial of my clients. So, to turn around and point out the lies, distortions, and out right denial of the political spectrum is old and tiring.

For what it is worth, I am not all that up on the 'New Year' concept. Why? Well, for one thing, it is a man made concept that really does not have any organic origin. In fact, though not arbitrarily chosen, it was placed merely for the benefit of one religion establishing credibility over other existing customs. At least, that is how I see it.

Perchance I am wrong. Don't really care.

Today is no different than yesterday. The sun has risen, will travel across the sky, and set. Barring unforeseen occurrences, my lungs will continue to breath the air; my heart will continue to beat and pump blood through my veins. Most importantly, my five senses will continue to receive the energy of the moment, if my mind does not get in the way.

That, of course, is my major problem; my mind's thinking blocking the energy of the moment with forays into the hardly ever properly recalled past or the always wrong prophetic musings about the future.

Sigh.

I think I need to go meditate.

Like any self-respecting member of the 21st Century, I belong to my family's list-serve. Today I received this email:

WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Samuel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the woman's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were..

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.