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Empty

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This is the afore mentioned post:

I feel empty. I've no energy. I've not the motivation to write my anger out. And I am full of anger. But it does no good. All the writing of angry screeds. All the ranting at the unlawful, unethical, amoral actions of BushCo™. All the bitching about the American Aristocrats and their raping of the American middle class. Not any of it accomplishes a damn bit of good. In the end, I am drained. Lifeless. I have not the desire to do but the bare minimum to survive.

Oh, don't get me wrong. I do my job. But there is no love in it for me anymore. I've been away from my family for too long. Alone, empty, without the life affirming embrace of my loved ones, there is no reason to be happy.

There is no reason for me to put up with the standard mediocrity of many of the employees where I labor. There is no reason for me to accept the inadequacies, and sheer incompetence, that populate the back water institution of my employ.

And it is a backwater institution, let me tell you, full of backwater thinking. Many of them are bush country hicks with visions of grandeur. They all carry the same mentality of "we do things different up here in the Borderland."

Yeah, they sure do. Many live mediocre lives while performing mediocre levels of employment. At least they are at their best 100% of the time.

I despise them. They represent everything that is wrong with America, and with the human race. They reflect everything that I found wrong with me.

That's the biggest part of the problem. I see me as I was years ago. Ignorant, self-centered, intellectually lazy, and emotionally stunted. It's all around me. Echoes of my past failing persona.

Without my family to remind me of what I've accomplished, to support me and uplift me, I fall into my old funk. And I can't take it anymore. I want the fuck away from this place.
Yes, I know, it is petty, judgmental, and cruel. I was in a bad place.

However, things are now different. I have a new job. It starts on Monday of next week. I am not willing to give two weeks notice. Back, about a month or so ago, I explained my financial situation to my boss, who is the director of the facility I am now leaving (God, that feels good to type!). His response? "You better do something about that."

Well, having been one month behind on the mortgage, three months behind on the electric bill, three months behind on the cable bill, two months behind on the gas bill, paying out the ass for gas to get back and forth to be with my family, and the extra cost of paying for a motel room, I did just that, I found a new job.

You know, in the end, it's not that corporations are soulless, it's that the people who are in charge of them are merciless, uncaring bastards. A corporation, whether for profit, or a non-profit, is merely a reflection of the personalities and soul of those in charge.

So, anyway, I am resuming my life in Hastings, MN. Farewell, ol' Borderland of the North. May your frigid winters not be seen as a metaphor of your heart.

Actually, many of the people up here were quite delightful and pleasant. Indeed, as a whole, I found International Falls, and Littlefork, to be pleasant, restful, and beautiful.

My problem was with the uncaring, and insensitive manner with which my boss reacted to my financial difficulties. I wasn't expecting him to do anything much more than offer some words of encouragement, or at least a bit of empathy. But to be told coldly (and it was cold and blunt, let me tell you) "Do something about that" was the last straw. So, I figure I own the company as much regard as I received. Which was none at all.
New York Times

In one sense, by emphasizing the new steps it is taking to control weapons, the Interior Ministry seems determined to leverage the respect shown for its investigators in such a high-profile case into an improved image over all. The strategy appears to be to concede that both American and Iraqi security forces have made mistakes in the past but that both were taking steps to put those problems behind them.

During one remarkable session on Wednesday, an administrative official at the ministry said that it had had problems with “ghost payrollers,” or fictitious employees, and political pressure in the past. But the official, Maj. Gen. Jihan Hussein, said that the ministry was squarely facing those problems.

“If you knew the pressures we have from members of Parliament to have their relatives employed by the ministry, you wouldn’t believe it,” General Hussein said.[emphasis by editorial-you know-me!]

But he said the ministry would not bow to those pressures. In a similar vein, Mr. Bolani said that the ministry’s strict new approach to weapons licenses would try to redress past mistakes.

I'll be the first to admit my mood has been dark, and my hope hiding in it's shadow. Yet, I find myself colorfully surprised. This strikes me as a hopeful sign of progress in Iraq. Anytime honesty becomes a part of the dialog, hope has the opportunity to come out from the shadows.

Bush Victim

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Not that I am unique. There are millions, upon millions, of Bush victims in the world. I wouldn't even begin to claim special victim hood over, say, anyone from Iraq. But yet, I am a Bush victim. I have been devastated by his poor stewardship of the economy. I chose to attempt a move to another area of the state, ignoring the true nature of the housing market that had not yet hit Hastings, while not realizing that the oil prices were about to go through the roof.

So, here it is 9 months later, my house payment behind, bills up the ass behind, and no light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, I know I am whining. You'll have to go buy your own cheese and crackers, I can't afford to supply them at the moment.

On The Way Back North

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This trip always sucks. I would rather stay home. But, the family needs to be fed. I was going to say the bills need to be paid, but that ain't happening. With the van repair -- rebuilding the transmission was expensive -- I was late sending out the October mortgage payment, and then only $1000.00. I've lost cable, which includes home Internet access and our phone service Vonage. The down side to phone service via Internet. You lose Internet, you lose phone.

Anyway, my life is slowly unraveling financially. I've tried to not let it get to me. I've been looking for a job back in the Twin Cities area, but my field is now full of fresh counselors just out of college. I'm not going to get hired anytime soon, that's for damn sure. So, just in case all my regular readers haven't noticed, there is a donation button on the right side.

Oh, and should any of you unregular readers happen to be, you know, filthy rich, with tons of disposable income, I am a great container for your cash. I promise to not waste it on anything other than my family.

Well, there is my plan for world domination I've been holding back, waiting for the right time. But my family first, world domination second.

Outrage Fatigue, Part Duex

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Jesus Christ. I start reading the headlines, reading the blogs, reading just about everything on the Internet, and all I get is disgusted. Seriously, with all the greed, corruption, murder, carnage, and rampant chaos, it's no wonder people believe the world is going to end. Hell, with all this insanity, I can't help but wonder if the human race needs to go extinct.

We claim to be better than animals, yet kill each other off more than animals. We destroy our own habitat while claiming it to be natural. In the name of life, we create laws that result in death. In the name of life, a dead woman is kept from her God while, after a natural disaster, thousands who could have been saved were allowed to die.

In the name of life, a program that benefits the health of children is vetoed, and the 12 year old who spoke of it's benefit is smeared.

I really won't question the end of the human race.


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Politics is the control of wealth and power. You are being conditioned to condemn politics as petty and boring, thus granting all the more control to the powers that be. You are either a part of the problem or a part of the solution. The choice is yours.

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