Recently in Personal Growth Category

A New Age Is Upon Me

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The GirlFriend™ and I are splitting up. So, it will now be The Ex-GirlFriend™. After a brief explosion of anger and a bit of shouting, we settled down, and our breakup is, hopefully, going to be amicable. I do not have to move out quickly or any such thing. Also, there are financial entanglements that need to occur.

However, the most painful of moments is approaching; that of telling The Fuskers™. While I may have drifted away from The GirlFriend™ I have always seen him as my own son, even if he was not my flesh and blood.

In the end, it has been 12 years of ups and downs, of pain and anger, of joy and passion, and of happiness and ecstasy. I have come out the other side a better man for having know Gayle. That we drifted apart is regrettable, but I still would not change my past.

Of course, things are not the best financially for either of us, but I know for myself that I can survive. When I look at my past, what I have overcome, and what I have accomplished, I am certain I will be able to move on, regardless of my current indebtedness.


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It is the one character flaw that has dogged me my whole life. In many ways it is part of the addiction I have worked hard to overcome. Basically, I have always wanted what I wanted, when I wanted it, and I want it right damn now.

The battle for Health Care Reform has exposed this same underlying character flaw in the United States. While some cooler heads in congress have patiently, and diligently, worked the political currents of Washington, most of the nation outside the beltway have been screeching and howling about not having single payer universal health insurance as of last decade. One of the reasons I have done very little blogging about health care reform -- other than noting some articles --  is because I recognize this is a long-term change for the country. It is a battle of inches, not yards.

Anyway, after all the noise, hair-pulling, and general all-around shrilling is done, there will be a new direction for health care in this country. At this time, I have to accept I am without health care. I also will have to accept it may be possible I never receive the level of coverage I was accustomed to back 5 to 10 years ago. However, I do believe that future generations after me will eventually receive a level of coverage that I never experienced. I am okay with that.

Yes, the selfish part of me desires universal single payer coverage as of October 5th, 1961, but it is not going to happen. But at least I can rest easy in knowing a change is occurring. It is just that it is not occurring at the pace I selfishly desire.

Now, get the hell off my lawn.....

Err, scratch that. I live in an apartment.

In Pain

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I am in pain 24/7. I am not saying this to garner sympathy, or to make excuses. But it has been on my mind for a while to simply share this fact. Ever since I hurt myself rollerskating, I have been in constant pain. Some days are not as bad as other. I can even get in a stretch of 2 days without taking any Tylenol.

For a while I was using Ibuprofen, but when it wore off, it caused my joints and teeth to ache. At least with the Tylenol, I simply have a resumption of my back, legs, and heal/arch pain. When I was biking, and stretching out, I managed to keep it reduced to a simple irritation. But with the weather change, and the move, I have not been able to get out on my bike. So, I am experiencing an increase in my discomfort.

Thankfully, back in 1997, or so, I stumbled across the book "Wherever You Go There You Are." Great primer on Mindfulness Meditation, which helps me deal with the pain. I am still able to focus on other parts of life. Actually, it is more than that; it helps me to not get so worked up about the pain that I keep focusing on it to the exclusion of the rest of life.

Anyway, just wanted to share with you that little tidbit about my life. Now, go on about your business. Ignore me and my pain. Seriously, do not mind me, all crippled and gimpy. And get off of my lawn, you--you--you hooligans! Well, that is, if I had a lawn.

Insensitive pricks. </snark>

Help Me Understand The Benefit

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Seriously. I need to know the benefit of all this commotion over the arrest of Roman Polanski. Now, do not get me wrong, what he did was horrible; awful; disgusting. You will hear no apology from me for his past behavior. Still, I am at a loss as to the benefit of focusing on his arrest. To me, in the grand scheme of today's events, this focus offers no benefit for our current crises. Will discussing his arrest reverse our economic recession/depression? Will discussing his arrest result in a better health care reform bill? Or is this simply another diversion, in a long line of diversions, that ultimately distracts us from today's problems?

What I find sad: many of the very people engaged in the discussion on Roman Polanski's arrest are the same people who decried the media's focus on the string of disappearances of young white women. Now that the story is about an issue that hits home, it is different?

As to the arrest; as a matter of rule of law, yes it is proper, it has happened, and now justice can play out. But it is my belief that many of the people latching onto this issue are doing so due to unfinished resolution of their own issues. It is a shame when the actual victim has been able to move on with her life, while people not directly harmed are spending copious amounts of emotional and mental energy arguing over the merits of the arrest.

But than, in my field I have witnessed many people whom were cruelly victimized in the past continue to victimize themselves today because of a lack of resolution. Should Roman Polanski's lawyers manage to get him released without extradition, what than of any hope for resolution? Is this a desire for justice? Or a desire for vengeance? For the world to finally do something fair? If so, well, good luck with that. The world is notorious for not giving us what we hope for or want.

My experience has shown me resolution comes from within, not from without. When I have put my hopes for resolution on some outside issue, whether or not it turned out as I wished, I found no resolution. Especially if what I wanted was vengeance. Not until I was able to find some internal sense of forgiveness was I able to let go and move on. Until then, I was continually distracted from the present by my insatiable focus on the past.

Interesting Lecture

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What You Forget

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  1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it's yours to keep for the entire period.
  2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, "life."
  3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately "work."
  4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.
  5. Learning lessons does not end. There's no part of life that doesn't contain its lessons. If you're alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.
  6. "There" is no better a place than "here." When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."
  7. Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
  8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
  9. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life's questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
  10. You will forget all this.

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Guy Andrew Hall

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Politics is the control of wealth and power. You are being conditioned to condemn politics as petty and boring, thus granting all the more control to the powers that be. You are either a part of the problem or a part of the solution. The choice is yours.


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This page is an archive of recent entries in the Personal Growth category.

Morose is the previous category.

Post Dramatic Catholicism is the next category.

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